The Crunchy King of Kings

We interrupt our normal snarky political ponderings to continue our participation in the King of Blogs contest. As such, we must post our answer to the following question:

If you are crowned King, what King from history or popular
culture would you emulate and why?

King Vitamin, of course. Nothing says "Good Morning" like a sickly sweet breakfast cereal with virtually no redeeming qualities, which of course, still leaves it a notch or two above the Windsor family.

If you think about it, King Vitamin reined over a near utopia of inclusion and acceptance in the cereal world. You had all types, from aliens like Quisp to the obviously gay Trix Rabbit, Boo Berry and Count Chocula, and acid freaks like Captain Crunch. Yet no one was looked down upon, whether you were a talking bird hawking insanely sugared Froot Loops, or an obviously stoned Sugar Bear, pushing his Super Sugar Crisp. All were accepted and valued in the rein of King Vitamin. Good times.

This is not at all like today’s wildly hostile, nasty cereal world: Every time I see that animated Pat Robertson beating the heck out of the Rice Krispies’ guys (although the black hood is a nice touch) and telling kids: “if you don’t eat your Jesus Freaks every morning as part of a balanced breakfast, you and your parents will go right to hell!” I just sigh and wish for the kinder and gentler days gone by. And frankly, I just don’t get Torquemada Bits and hope I never do.

King Vitamin was the man, a man of breakfast and a man of peace.

Amen.